Lost

They fell in love. I fell out of place.
Perched on the window seeing the moon casting a shadow,
creating a circle, like things weren't intimate enough.
What was once mine was now hers.
Oh where did i go wrong.

Effort

How much time do we actually take to create perfection.
To go all out and express your inner desires.
But only to be met with disgust.
But isnt society too open for anything.
So do they really matter in that matter of seconds.

Dream

Sums up my reality in fiction.
What i believe and what i see does not always transpire directly.
Filters.
Beliefs are filtered to fit us more than us to fit it.
However, society changes us to fit in and yet we fail to do so.
Falling behind as usual chasing dreams beyond nothingness.
How i led myself to march on into oblivion.
When will this chapter end or for once may there be excitement and change.
Real love vs true love.
Am i really incapable of sharing emotions.

Capture

How far would you go to be the perfect you.
Everything wrong can be right.
Anything imperfect becomes ideal.
The misconceptions of beauty has been altered by social culture.
What is with girls wanting to fit in a size 0 and not 8.
Obsession can do cruel things without us noticing even.

Beauty

We are bounded by it.
"You are not ugly, society is."
Sadly that goes the same to the media,
The people who led us to believe that beauty has specifics.
Measurements and graphics is what drives us up the chart.
We can always pretend that it don't matter but it does hurt.
Everything is perfect when we know it is not.
My perception, my definition and what i perceived of what beauty is,
Has a backup for every single reason and conclusion.
I'll make it my excuse to how i am today.

Appearance

Be it boy or girl, male or female we have to be honest,
We struggle with it everyday and it has become a battle of superficiality.
We try so hard to be a part of that 85% but sadly we belong to that 5%, unknown to society worldwide.
The beauty or lack thereof might be part of this whole social insecurity.
The amount of pain and horror we put ourselves is just plain sad.
But who do we blame.
The people, media or the one closest to you.

Z

Zygnomic. Zoetic.


Where is that zest we need in life.
Or why do we need to be in that zen mode constantly.
If i could zip up all my feelings and hide in a compartment i would.
Zappy is what i need to be but instead im entering zalophobia.
And how everything just zoom pass us that i just cant figure it out anymore.
Last but not the least, the number zero is what i associate myself with ever so often.

Y

Yare. Yonder. 

Wasted youth is what they say.

But i've always wonder where it went to.

I yell to relieve the pain but it still stings in memories buried,

Locked deep in back of the mind but it will never stop.

Yes was a word that slipped off easily.

I yearn for peace within myself.

Remnants of yesterdays still linger around me.

Yet i was left behind for no apparent reason.

Interestingly you were once a part of me that i deeply cherish.

Somehow it got yanked out viciously without a trace and without a scar. 

  

X

Xeransis. Xenophobe.

Sound resonates like the melody given by the xylophone.
Sadly it was to the tune of my very own demise.
X marks the spot for every cruel words that were hurled and spewed.
Xenomorphic shadows formed as isolation hits.
You've become nothing but a xerocopy.

W.

Wilt. Waste.

Waiting for a miracle to happen to someone like me is very unlikely.
Wishes were made but none were granted.
Waltz away to dreamland but only to land on my two left feet.
The warmth that im longing for is easily replaced by the breeze of unwanted love.
When you leave im in a wreck and i cant pick myself up.
I am tired of watching over you and whispering words of wisdom.
My weakness is my only strength.

V

Vague. Veil

Voices are heard but not often understood.
A vision shared but dreams remained separated.
How much are you valued at or pretty much worthless to others.
Every excuse and reason seems to be valid for every failure that you have achieved.
Volume is louder than the actions performed every single time.
Every word or sentence seems to venomous and does nothing but to suck into this vacuum.

U

Undermine. Ultimate.

Unique is something that im never associated with.
But you choose not to understand who i really am.
Everything that happens in unison feels so unreal and uniform.
I surrender as they remain undefeated.
United we stand is all you could utter but once we fail you disappear.

T

Trouble. Truth.

Time will tell they say, but how long more can you endure it.
Triggering your senses, triggering your memories, bearing only emotions.
To let it go does not always mean to let us heal.
Sufferings are the only thing we know but how far are we willing to help.
It might not be right but if so, when will i say it out loud.
 

S

Sacrifice. Stern.

Selflessness doesn't come from within.
But pardon me for being selfish for i am filled with rage.
The world is unfair and so is your alleged written story.
And there you wonder why perfect beings end up together.
Where Destiny and Fate is concerned and when love is involved all else fades away.

R

Reasons. React.

Rags to riches is just a part of a dream
Your fantasy could be a reality if you will it they say
But they don't realize that we don't have much going on.
Insecurities sealed within us.

Q

Quenched. Quizzed.

Do you ever question yourself about your existence on this very earth.
On what journey are we on or what quest shall we fulfill.
Or are we on some twisted adventure written by a sick guy.
Do we judge others due to their quality of life,
But aren't we just the same, who qualifies us then.
I for one am not a quick decision maker and yet i do not want to be left behind.

P

Promises. Plain.

What are you passionate about?
What do you posses that others don't?
Honestly, i have no answer to that.
How can something so simple be difficult to define.
If i were to be on the playing field, i would have no chance of survival.
Why would i put on a show and fight so hard only to lose out in the end.
What pleases me, may not be pleasurable to you.
Clearly your meaning of pretty and mine are total opposites.
Why would i pledge myself to life i never will live nor lead.

O

Obsessed. Obey.

Don't you always wish for something you can never have.
Something that was far and beyond and not within the grasp of your hands.
But what if, it was related to love.
Would you give it all up and fight for it or learn to let go.
What are the odds of luck being on your side, cause it was never by my side not once and never will be.
Will you cave in and satisfy your desires or shun it away like a sin that would probably leave a scar.

N

Nature. Nurture.

Faults were not mine to begin with.
Everything turns mundane after awhile.
I stood tall only to be defeated by feelings.
I'm hearing you but I'm not listening well enough.
Don't I have the right to take a turn.
Do I hurt till it's enough or do I will it to stop.

M

Memories. Magic.

Why does everything seems frustrating to me.
Once broken it can't be fixed not even the lightest touch of love dust.
Fairy tale doesn't exist for people like me.
Dreams will turn to a nightmare.
And nothing is going right.
What feels so wrong delights the darkest part you.
Catching every piece or fragments that can never match you, but in return, it will only hurt you even more.

L

Love. life.

One of two that Im incapable of doing.
I'm a failure and such an embarrassment to my own kind.
To feel the joy and creating moments that won't fade.
To know or to have a significant other and enjoy the simple things in life.
But that's impossible cause I'm complicated that way.
Cherish what you have till it's gone sounds so cliche right about now.
But what do I have when I own nothing.

K

Kindness. Knowledge.

What's the use of having the brains without beauty.
Or beauty without brains.
Well I may not have heard all the insults in the book but I'm subjected to it.
Why is so hard to voice out your feelings and thoughts without being ridiculed.
Spending moments under criticism and barely getting out alive.
It's eating me alive and I see no way out.

J

Joy. Justification.

How many times does it take to jump start THE career of your dreams.
How often are we jailbirds to our very own ambitions.
I don't see a reason to smile over something that could never happen.
Often, or rather most of the times, I am lost and trapped in my own bubble.
I can't expand on the thought of living the wonderful life.

I

Integrity. Interests.

Was there anything worth implementing.
I wish I had a time where it was the day that could have changed the rest  of my life.
But of course in reality it doesn't work out for someone like me.
Then there is that fantastic idea that has been in your mind day in and day out but nothing has changed.
What could have been interesting to capture my attention to change the course I'm living.

H

Hope. Heart

Harness your skills. Harvest your talents.
But i do that all in vain only to watch go to waste.
Fulfill your purpose in life they say but i cant.
I don't see a need to accomplish things that will be buried in the end.
I can never see myself at the end of my list.
Well how can i when i could never start it in the first place.

G

Gift. Grateful.

How can I give thanks when all I've done is complain about my not so great of a life.
This is more than a game and I'm fighting my own battles.
But how do I win when all I ever see is surrendering before it ends.
Letting others have it their way.
I know it's gone too far and I have the power to stop it but I can't.
I do not want to fight this kind of war.
I am my own enemy.

F

Fate. Feelings.

What have I done in my past life to deserve all of this.
Was it to lead to my own destruction.
Or a life that I can never look back upon and reminisce.
My path in life was designed to make one hell of a living.
Shadows engulf me in every corner of my dreams and desires.
I crash and burn just like the tidal waves.
Everything within grasp vanishes into thin air.
Moments of reality spiral down unconsciously.
But of course it leaves me with nothing but despair.

E

Embrace. Empowerment.

Why are we the socially inferior group.
Is this a reason why bullies do the things they do.
Why is it easy for them to get away with it.
While we, we are stuck with the situation.
Well, I do not want to be popular.
Just want to be that someone people seek for.
Be it a companion or listening ear.
Anything to make them feel important and special.

D

Dreams. Desires.

Why do we love the things we love.
Or why do we do the things we do.
Why is it so hard to part with it.
The distance we'd go just to achieve them.
What dangers lies ahead or do we choose to ignore it.
Why is it easier for others while we struggle so hard for success.
Is it because we are not good enough and failing is the best thing we could do.
Is it a sign we must heed and learn to let go.
Or do we just charge on to find a better ending.
Or is it just not for me.
The destiny that will bring me to my uncertain future beats me.
Maybe I'm just lost and confused after all.

C

Creative. Compassion.

You are often praised by others but always looked down upon by the people you're close to.
How can one bring such joy and pain at the same time.
Ultimately losing confidence in the future.
Its hard to shake off these feelings but I can't help it.
Letting it manifest into fear and failure.

B

Beauty. Bravery.

Clearly our definitions of pretty are totally different.
Is it hard to visualize something out of nothing.
Are our imaginations too wild to follow.
What does it take to be called beautiful.
Well I don't know.
I'm afraid to express all my inner thoughts.
So hiding behind a screen and writing it down seems easier.
Ambitions become nothing but the past.
Just like every dream and aspiration I once held and had.

It started with A

Acceptance. Appearance.
Why do we try so hard to fit into society's standard of beauty.
Isn't it hard enough that we're living life as it is.
To be told that you aren't good enough is bad.
I'm happy to be me but all this while you're just bringing me down.
Taking another shot at my non existent self esteem.
Truth to be told, I've lost it all.
You said it one too many times and I started believing it.
I'm just not good enough for you.

Average

So ready to spread my wings but im bound to fall.

thoughts that resonates daily.

why am i so afraid. constantly shot down by remarks and im constantly bothered. 

some have it worse and yet they live on. so why cant i and be like them. 

we all need a voice, our voices that have been drowned by others.

im not bright.. smart or pretty. i have nothing else to rely on but these words. 

words that may or may not make sense but that is life.

i am ready to find that spark. inspiration. motivation. or so help me.